Finding Her
by pinkturtle55
Summary: A particularly gruesome case leaves the members of the team distracted. But for two of the members this distraction leads to much worse consequences.   Beta'd by youdude!
1. Prologue

**Authors Note: Here is my new story, I hope you enjoy! For those of you reading A Bruised Heart, don't worry, I am still working on that one. Another thing, this is just the prologue, the rest of the chapters will be a lot longer! I' d love to hear what you think, so please comment! I hope you enjoy :)**

**I want to thank youdude for being my AMAZING beta!**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"He's going to be out hunting tonight," Morgan said, and the rest of the team nodded in agreement.

"We will need to patrol all of the bars since those are where he finds his victims," Rossi added.

"You guys, this UNSUB is slick. They upped the security after the last abduction, and yet he still managed to get another woman," Emily said.

Hotch nodded. "Prentiss is right." He looked around the police station. "We should put someone under cover at the most popular abduction site."

"I'll do it," Emily volunteered quickly.

The rest of the team stared at her.

**I hope you enjoyed! Comments are much appreciated :)**


	2. The Case

**Here's chapter two :) Thanks for the reviews and subscribing/ favoriting my story, it really means alot. I got this one up pretty quickly since the prologue was very short. I would REALLY love to hear what you think! I hope you enjoy.**

**Once again, I want to thank my great beta- youdude! **

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"Every guilty person is his own hangman." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

* * *

><p>"<em>If you had done everything you could have, <em>you_ would be dead, not Caroline!" Mr. Smith, Caroline's fathers, spat at Emily. _

"_What?" Emily asked speechless._

"_You heard what I said. You should be dead! You promised you would get my daughter!" he shouted once again, his voice shaking with tears. _

Emily stared out the window of the jet, replaying this moment in her head. This wasn't how things were supposed to end. After the case had finished, the team had tried to quickly get out of Los Angeles. The people there and the police department no longer welcomed their presence. There had been a delay with their flight, so they spent the entire day in their hotel rooms. They didn't speak, each of them absorbed in their own thoughts.

Emily looked over to Hotch and Rossi, who had their heads in the case file again and were writing furiously. Strauss was going to be on Hotch's ass about this one. She would be on all of their asses. This time Emily wouldn't even blame her. Emily felt she was the one who had singlehandedly screwed the case. It was not the rest of the team who was at fault.

The entire team had been up all night and through the rest of the day, and they were exhausted. Reid was curled up on the couch sleeping, and JJ was resting on one of the chairs. Morgan had his earphones on and was trying to drown out the events of the night before. Emily rested her head on her chin and closed her eyes. She was not prepared for the memories that shot across her mind before she was able to stop them.

_Hotch put the phone down from his ear and massaged his temples. _

"_Was it them?" Emily asked. _

"_It was Rose Hernandez."_

"_Oh God," Emily moaned, "Were there any signs of Caroline Smith?"_

_Hotch shook his head rigidly. "Morgan, Rossi, Reid and the entire PD searched the whole area with dogs and didn't find anything else."_

"_Do you want me to call in the families?" JJ asked from her spot at the back of the room. _

"_Yes." Hotch nodded. "But I want you to keep them separated at all times. I don't want them to even see each other." _

_JJ nodded her head and picked up her cell phone. _

Her eyes shot open. She did not want to relive the next moment. Caroline's parents had arrived to the station, and Emily had talked to them. She had known from her years of experience that you don't promise a family you will find their child alive, but she gave them the next best thing. She had promised she would do anything and everything to get her back alive. Fretfully, she ran her fingers through her hair and gave it a slight tug. The pressure on her skull did little to relieve any of the feelings she was keeping bottled up inside.

Morgan glanced around the plane with music blaring in his ears. That was how he handled this: through music. He envied JJ and Reid who were able to sleep right now. But then again they hadn't been there. It had been him and Hotch. Then his eyes shot to the other side of the plane. Emily had been there. She had been there the whole time, before they had gotten there, when it was just too late. He cursed under his breath as he saw her dead eyes. Despite the teams agreement Morgan started to profile Emily. Her jaw was clenched and her entire body tense. He thought about going over there, but decided against it. Sometimes people just need space. If he had been through what she had, he knew he would want to be left alone too.

Hotch and Rossi sat looking over the case file and the profile they had presented.

"Our profile was dead on," Rossi stated.

Hotch nodded. The case they had worked was actually a pretty text book-styled one. A man about 20 to 30 years old, they predicted correctly, had been abducting women and keeping them with him for about two weeks. Yet he had had two women with him at one time, their time with him overlapping for about a week so he would never be without one. They should've had a week. They should have had a week before he killed Caroline. Hotch glanced over at Emily. They should have had a week, but they had done something wrong to make him change his pattern.

_Pull it together Prentiss, _she commanded herself. Unconsciously she clenched her bitten down nails into her palms. She didn't even realize when they broke skin. Thin crimson lines bled across her hands unnoticed.

_This isn't you, you don't freak out after cases, _she tried to reason with herself. But this wasn't a usual case and she knew it. She was the reason that woman had died. She knew it, the whole team knew it, and the Smiths knew it. Hell, the entire city of Los Angeles probably knew it by now.

The sky surrounding the plane was black and starless. It was blank. Emily forced her mind to become the same. She stared out the window until the runway lights slowly came into focus. After they landed, Hotch stood up.

"Go home and get some rest. We can deal with this in the morning." He grabbed his bag and unboarded the plane with Rossi just steps behind him. JJ and Reid sluggishly did the same. Emily grabbed her bag, and with her eyes downcast, walked across the plane.

Morgan put his hand out and stopped her before she got off. "You okay Prentiss?" he asked.

"Fine." She didn't even have the energy to muster up a fake smile. She just wanted to go home.

* * *

><p>After she had showered, Emily grabbed a beer and sat down on her couch. She loved the feeling of the cool bubbly liquid sliding down her throat. She brought her hand to her forehead and winced as she ran it against her bruise. But that didn't stop her. The pain was comforting. The kind of comfort you get when you know it's something you deserve. It may not feel good, but it felt right.<p>

She set her empty beer bottle down on the side table, and without the energy to move, she lay down on the couch. She closed her eyes, but instead of lifting off into a dream, she was dragged into another memory.

"_He's going to be out hunting tonight," Morgan said, and the rest of the team nodded in agreement, "He still has Caroline, but since he dumped Rose, he will want another." _

"_We will need to patrol all of the bars since that is where he finds his victims," Rossi added. _

"_You guys, this UNSUB is slick. They upped the security after the last abduction, and yet he still managed to get another woman," Emily said._

_Hotch nodded his head. "Prentiss is right." He looked around the police station. "We should put someone under cover at his most common abduction site."_

"_I'll do it," Emily volunteered quickly._

Why the hell had she volunteered?

After Emily had managed to pull herself awake, she clenched her nails again into her already broken skin. The slight sting helped. The rest of the night was spent between beers and bad made-for-TV movies. It was her attempt to keep her mind off of what had happened.

Keep her mind off of the truth.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as I said before, I would love for you to comment and tell me what you think :) Thanks! **


	3. Strauss

**Here is the next installment, I love all the reviews you guys have been giving me, and I would love to get more! I hope you enjoy this chapter- it's one of the longer ones. **

**Once again, I owe so much to my amazing beta youdude!**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Emily's dead eyes were staring unfocused on the television screen, when her cell phone rang.

She picked it up lethargically and held it to her ear.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Hey Emily." JJ's voice greeted on the other end. "I'm sorry to be calling you so early."

"It's alright- I was already awake," Emily informed her, with no greeting in return.

"Oh." JJ faltered briefly. "Well, this morning when I tried to start my car, it wouldn't run. The mechanic won't be in until tomorrow and there aren't any taxis or rentals open this early."

"Okay, I can be over in twenty minutes." Emily answered the question she knew was coming.

"Thanks."

Emily hung up the phone before either of them could say anymore. She groaned as she got up from the couch and worked the kink that had made its way into her neck. Slowly, she made her way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The face that looked back was a ghost's. Dark circles underlined her eyes, and her bruise was turning purple. After taking a quick shower, she applied makeup to the spots and left to pick up JJ. She didn't bother with breakfast- it just didn't seem important right now.

When JJ entered Emily's car, she did a double take. The woman sitting next to her did not look like the Emily Prentiss she knew.

"Hey Em, how are you doing?" she asked cautiously.

Emily shrugged in return and started the car. Without any further conversation, the two drove to the BAU.

Morgan and Reid were already sitting at their desks when JJ and Emily entered the bullpen.

"Hey guys," JJ greeted them, as she passed them to walk up to her office. The men returned the greeting and then quickly got back to their paper work.

"Hotch has been up there with Strauss for an hour," Reid observed. "Doesn't she know he didn't do anything?"

"As team leader he's responsible for everything that happens. Even if it isn't his fault." Morgan unconsciously glanced at Emily, but then quickly turned away. But she didn't miss it.

Emily sat down at her desk and started working on the piles of paperwork that filled her desk.

A few minutes later, Hotch walked down and into to the bullpen, "Prentiss, Strauss wants to see you in her office."

* * *

><p>"Emily Prentiss." Strauss acknowledged her briefly as she walked into the room.<p>

"Ma'am," Emily returned coolly as she stood in the doorway.

"Sit down." Strauss gestured to the chair in front of her desk, and Emily took a seat. "We need to go over the events of the last few days."

Emily nodded curtly.

"Why was it you that went undercover?" Strauss asked first.

This question involved no thinking. "I was his 'type'. He went after brunette women."

Strauss accepted this answer and moved on. "Why did you go to the Black Tree Bar?"

"We knew we only had one chance to get the right bar, and that was where he had taken over half of his victims, so we knew it was in his comfort zone."

_A listening device was placed in the strap of Emily's dress and then zipped up. She was wearing a tight navy blue knee length dress. A microphone was placed in the bracelet she was wearing._

"_Looking good Prentiss," Morgan said, walking over to her. _

_Emily smirked. "In your dreams Morgan." _

_Morgan scowled, but then laughed. "You stay safe out there Prentiss."_

"_I will," she promised him._

_He patted her on the back, and then left just as Hotch arrived._

"_Are you ready?" he asked her._

"_As ready as I can be," she answered. _

"_Remember that if at any time you feel you or your identity is compromised, just say-"_

"_Hotch I've been undercover before," she assured him, stopping him mid-speech. "I will be okay."_

"_Okay, just use the profile to filter out the other men that talk to you," Hotch reminded her._

"_Hotch, let me also remind you: I have dated before. I know what I'm doing!" _

"_Okay, then let's go."_

"How many men did you speak with before you met the UNSUB?" Strauss cut into her thoughts.

"Five."

"How did you know who the UNSUS was?" she asked.

"He had the classic traits of a narcissist and fit our profile," Emily explained. Against her will, the man, Kyle, filled her thoughts.

_Emily was sitting at the bar when a man approached her. He had dark hair and eyes and had a muscular build. He sat down next to her and said to the bartender, "I'll have two scotches." _

"_I already have a drink." Emily informed him of the obvious as she held up her beer._

"_You'll like this better," he responded._

"_This has to be the UNSUB," Morgan said through her earpiece. _

"_My name is Kyle," he informed her. He didn't even ask for her name. _

"_Nice to meet you Kyle," Emily greeted. _

_Their Scotches arrived and Emily took small sips of hers while he gulped his down in one. _

"_Want to go back to my house?" he asked._

"_Go, Prentiss," Hotch said through the earpiece, "Morgan and I are ready to follow him. Get into the house and give us the signal the second you see anything."_

"_Of course," she answered, replying to both Hotch and the UNSUB at once._

_He stood up and took her arm- a little too tight for her comfort. She plastered a smile on her face, asking "Where do you live?"_

"_I want it to be a surprise." He smiled. _

_She nodded and followed him into a white Subaru. _

Strauss nodded. So far everything she was asking had already been answered by Hotch, but she wanted to confirm that the information was accurate. But this next question was where she would get her real information. "What happened when you got to his house?"

Emily leaned back and closed her eyes. She was forced to replay those memories. The ones that she wished so dearly to forget.

_They turned into the driveway of a modest white house. _

'_What is it with him and the color white?' she asked herself. He unlocked his door, got out, and then opened Emily's door for her. Through her peripheral vision, Emily could just make out the SUV with Morgan and Hotch in it as it drove by the house. They would park a few houses down, and when they got the signal, they would come. Kyle grabbed Emily's arms tight and walked her into the house. _

"_You're coming with me," he hissed. _

_Her eyes widened, "What are you doing?" She faked confusion. She had to pretend she was just another victim. _

_He practically dragged her across the room and towards a closet. _

_What the hell? _

_He opened the door, and just when Emily thought he was going to lock her in there, opened a door in the floor- a hidden door. He pushed her down the ladder, and then closed the closet and the trap door. He then quickly followed her down, kicking her shoulder with his foot if she didn't climb down fast enough. She got to the bottom and saw a sight that hit her like a ton of bricks. Caroline was curled up in the corner of a cage, and there was another one next to her. _

"_Come on," Emily hissed into the microphone to Hotch. _

"_We're on our way," he confirmed immediately. _

_Kyle came up from behind Emily and grabbed her neck. He put his other hand around her stomach and walked her to the cage. _

"_Here you go, my love," he whispered fiercely into her ear, before throwing her in. _

_Hotch's voice came in Emily's ear. "We're approaching the house." _

"I read the profile that your team made for this case. Isn't it true that you should have had one week before the UNSUB was supposed to kill Caroline?" Strauss questioned.

"Well yes…" Emily started.

"Then why didn't you?" she demanded.

Emily picked at her nails in her lap. "He was raping her."

"And so its better that she's dead? I have been getting calls from Los Angeles for the last 24 hours questioning how the team handled this case, and that is your excuse? How could you not have held him off for five minutes? Hotch was in the house!" Strauss asked angrily. Despite what the team might think, it was her ass on the line and she wasn't prepared to let one agent's careless actions affect her.

Emily shook her head slowly. But she wasn't disagreeing with Strauss, because she was right. She took in a deep breath and was again sucked into the memory of that terrible moment.

_Kyle locked the cage Emily was in and approached Caroline's. "Now, you're new here," he looked at Emily, "so I'm going to let you see how it's done first."_

_He stepped inside the cage and slowly bent down, grabbing Caroline by the hair and forcing her to stand up. _

"_Take your pants off, bitch," he commanded her. She un-did the button on her jeans mechanically as if someone else had possessed her body. _

"_Stop!" Emily shouted, "Do it to me, not her." She tried to buy time until Hotch and Morgan got there. _

"_Prentiss where is the door to the basement?" Hotch's voice rang through the earpiece, but Emily wasn't able to answer because Kyle's attention was fully on her._

"_Don't worry, you'll get your turn too," he promised with a smile. He started to take his own pants off._

_He pushed her to the ground and bent over her. Caroline turned her head and her dead eyes fixated on Emily. _

"_Kyle, you don't want to do this," Emily shouted at him._

"_Now, why wouldn't I?" he asked, turning his head towards her. _

"_She is not your wife. Hurting her will not make you feel any better," Emily said, desperately trying to get him to stop. _

"_You don't know what you're talking about." Kyle turned his attention back to Caroline. _

"_I'm with the FBI; believe me Kyle when I tell you that this is not what you want." Emily urgently tried to get his attention off of Caroline. _

"_FBI you say?" He pulled his pants back up and zipped them. Emily let out a breath, thinking she had stopped him._

_Then suddenly he was pulling a knife out of his pocket. "You FBI agents just can't stay in your own business can you?" he asked, bringing the knife up to Caroline's face. _

"_I know that your wife left you, and I know how angry that made you feel. But you must know that killing these other women doesn't help you feel any more powerful."_

"_That's where you're wrong." He laughed. "If you hadn't come I hope you know this little dear here would stay alive." He toyed the knife against her cheek bone, breaking the skin. _

"_Kyle-"_

_He cut her off, "I hope that at night when you close your eyes, you see this woman. I know you FBI like to pride yourselves on how many people you've 'saved'. How about how many you killed."_

_With this he brought the knife to Caroline's throat and with a single slash blood spewed from her neck. Her head sat oddly on her shoulders in a way that no living person's ever would. Even in death, her same dull eyes stared directly into Emily's. _

Emily shuddered when she thought of those eyes. The ones that she should have protected; should have saved. "Is that all?" Emily questioned. She needed to get out of this office.

"You are suspended for two weeks pending a further investigation. Give me your badge and your gun."

Emily kept her face locked in an emotionless expression. Robotically, she reached to her belt and took off her gun and badge. She was reluctant as she set the items on Strauss's desk.

Strauss took them with pleasure. It wasn't that she particularly liked suspending her, but now she had done something about the way this case had turned out. She had answers to all the questions that were being shouted at her.

Without any other words, Emily got up from the chair and left Strauss's office. She closed the door behind her and brought her hands to her head. All of her worst thoughts had just been confirmed in that room.

Reluctantly, she walked back to the bullpen and immediately went to her desk. She pulled her bag together and gripped it tightly in her hand. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Reid and Morgan staring at her. Quickly she turned away and walked up to Hotch's office.

She knocked slowly on his door, and he looked up from his papers. He motioned her in, but she stayed near the door.

"I assume Strauss already talked to you?" Emily asked.

Hotch nodded.

"Then I guess I will see you in two weeks." She turned her back to leave.

Hotch stopped her. "Remember that these things happen to the best of us."

Emily gave a cynical laugh and left his office.

She was about to go down the stairs when she heard another voice call her name. She turned and saw JJ exit her office.

"I was just headed home; do you think you could give me a ride?" she asked.

Emily really just wanted to be alone. She didn't want to talk about anything. "Why don't you ask Morgan or Garcia?"

"They're not leaving yet," JJ told her.

Emily didn't argue back, and JJ took this as a yes.

The sky outside was grey and smoggy, and the two of them drove down the foggy street in silence. When JJ finally couldn't take it any longer, she broke the silence.

"Emily, do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"What is there to talk about?" Emily replied coldly.

"About what happened on the case?"

"No," Emily said curtly, "Please JJ just leave it alone."

But of course, just that single mention of the case forced all of her thoughts to return to it.

"_DAMMIT HOTCH WHERE ARE YOU!" Emily screamed into the microphone, no longer caring if Kyle heard. _

"_We found the door." Hotch's words came calmly to her ear. _

_She ran for the door of her cage, but it was locked. There was no way to get out without the key. _

_She heard footsteps coming down the ladder._

"_Kyle, drop the knife!" Morgan yelled, his gun cocked. _

_Kyle looked around the room and contemplated his choices. There was no way he would go in with the cops. He thrust his knife in front of himself and ran forward towards the agents._

_Three shots rang through the room and Kyle hit the ground mid step. _

"_Get Caroline!" Emily yelled out to the men. _

_Hotch ran over and felt her pulse, "She's dead," he confirmed. "We need a coroner and an EMT." Hotch spoke to JJ over the microphone._

_Morgan searched through the pockets of Kyle's coat and found the keys to the cages. He grabbed it and ran over to unlock Emily. _

"_I need to help Caroline," Emily mumbled, trying to step around Morgan._

"_She's gone Emily," Morgan told her, taking her arm. _

"_No, she can't be," Emily said numbly as she tried to pull out of Morgan's strong grip._

"_Emily, she's dead."_

_Emily closed her eyes. Caroline couldn't be dead. She promised her parents she would do anything to get their daughter. _

_She had promised._

"I was just trying to stop him," Emily mumbled staring out the window.

"I know that Em." JJ told her. "It will help if you talk about it."

"I slipped up." She gazed into the dark sky. She thought about what JJ just said. Maybe she should talk about it. But that wouldn't bring Caroline back, or the fact that it was her fault. But maybe it would help.

"Emily!" She faintly heard someone yell. She slowly blinked back into reality, and the last thing she saw were two bright headlights staring straight at her. She barely felt the impact itself, but JJ's screaming voice rang through her.

"EMILY!"

**I hope you liked the chapter, and I would love to hear what you think :) **


	4. The Accident

**Thanks for the amazing responce I have gotten in the past few chapters! I hope you continue to review and tell me what you think :) I hope you like the chapter**

**Once again, I would like to thank my amazing beta youdude :)**

**Warning: Self- harm in this chapter**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"Ma'am?"

…

"Ma'am?"

….

Emily slowly opened her eyes, and was met with the sight of lights. _What the hell, _she thought. Then it came back to her. The headlights…. JJ screaming her name… JJ…

"JJ?" Emily called frantically. She tried to move in her seat but couldn't. "Jayje? Are you okay?"

"Ma'am I need you to calm down," A soothing voice told her.

Emily's eyes finally adjusted and she saw she was still in the car. Or better yet, what was left of the car.

"Can you tell me your name?" The man asked.

_I know this, _Emily racked her brain, _this is an easy one. _"My left pocket," She told him.

He reached into her pocket and pulled out her FBI credentials. "Emily Prentiss?" He asked.

_Emily Prentiss. That sounds right. _She nodded. "Where's JJ?"

"Is that the woman who was with you?" He asked.

Emily nodded again, more frantically this time.

"Another ambulance brought her to the hospital. Can you move?" He asked gently taking her arm.

Emily slowly tried to maneuver herself out of the car when it hit her. "Why is JJ in the hospital?"

"They need to check her out as they do you."

Her body was as stiff as a board and each time she moved it awoke a new pain. When she was out of the car they loaded her onto a stretcher and put her in an ambulance.

On the drive to the hospital the same EMT as before sat by her. He was asking her questions.

"Emily, is there anyone you want me to call? Family? A boyfriend or husband?" He asked.

She shook her head hastily. She didn't have any family. At least none that really mattered. "Can you call Agent Hotchner at the FBI? He will want to know. "

"Do you know his number?"  
>"Uhhh…" She thought intently, she knew this, "its 555-" <em>God, what's the rest? It has a nine, <em>"I think its 555-392."

"Okay we are calling him right now."

* * *

><p>Emily sat in the hospital emergency room. Her left arm was wrapped in white gauze due to a deep cut that needed nine stitches. She had more scrapes around her body, but they weren't as serious. She had a nice black eye to complement the bruise already on her forehead. Because of the air bag her nose had broken. She had also sprained her wrist, and that was wrapped up, but most significant was that she had a concussion. They had given her a CT scan to confirm the almost obvious diagnosis.<p>

As Emily sat there an officer walked up to her.

"Emily Prentiss?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded hesitantly.

"I'm Officer Miller. I'm going to need you to blow into this." He held up a classic alcohol tester.

"Why?" She questioned.

He let out an impatient sigh. "We need to see if you were under the influence when you cause this accident."

_Oh God,_ she gulped. "I caused this accident?"

"You drove across the intersection and caused a head on collision."

Emily closed her eyes tightly and squeezed her nails into her palm, "Are they okay?"

"The other passenger was a little banged up, but other than a few scrapes and bruises he is okay. Now I need you to blow in this."

_A little banged up. _Emily blew in the tester and it came up negative. The officer noted in his chart that she was not under the influence while she was driving.

"I may need to ask you some more questions later," The officer informed her, "I will need your contact information, but I will also be staying in the hospital a while longer."

Emily nodded and gave him her information.

XXX

Emily looked urgently around the emergency room until she found the EMT that had brought her in. She called for him, and when he came over she asked him, "Where's JJ, is she okay?"

"Jennifer Jareau?" He asked and Emily nodded.

He walked over to a computer and looked up her name. "They are giving her a CT scan now. They suspect that she may have had brain trauma."

"Oh God, oh no," She moaned.

"I reached Agent Hotchner and he said he would be here immediately." The EMT informed the distraught woman.

Almost as if on cue Hotch and Morgan entered the ER. But Emily didn't want them here.

"Emily!" Morgan and Hotch saw her and quickly ran over.

"Are you alright?" They asked.

"Fine." Emily looked away.

"I'm going to go speak with the officer who was at the accident," Hotch informed them, and then sought him out. He was still close by.

"You don't look fine, what happened?" Morgan asked.

"I have a concussion and you can see the rest," She told him bitterly.

"Wasn't JJ with you?" Morgan asked.

She nodded, "They are giving her a CT scan. The EMT told me they suspect brain trauma." Emily's voice was distant and detached.

"When I get my hands on the bastard who did this, he is going to wish he were dead!" Morgan threatened.

Emily immediately down casted her eyes and bit her lip. She uneasily stood up from the bed she was in. "I need to go," She scanned around the room for somewhere to escape, "to the bathroom." She finished as she spotted one.

She stiffly walked in and felt her eyes moisten. What had she done? Emily could feel too many emotions building up in her. She shouldn't have been distracted while she was driving. This was all her fault. Worse case scenarios of JJ's condition kept arising in her mind. All because of that damn case she had screwed up. Her eyes welled with tears, but she pushed them down. This was no time for self pity. She eyed the bandage on her left arm and laid her right hand against it. She pushed pressure down on one side of her arm causing it to pull at the stitches. Her arm stung, but she needed the pain. She needed to be grounded. She continued the pressure until she worried she would tear the stitches.

But that wasn't enough. She wanted- needed- more pain. She un-wrapped her right hand and forced the sprained wrist to move. It started to throb, but the pain was relieving. She took in a deep breath and bent her wrist as far as she could. She felt the feelings escape through the pain until she felt nothing left inside her. The physical pain was so much more bearable than the ones that were stored inside her heart. The outside pain was controllable. It was the only thing in the whole damn world that she could control.

* * *

><p>Hotch walked grimly back to Morgan.<p>

"I just talked to the officer who is looking into the accident. The car drifted into the other lane and caused a head on collision. The other driver is okay and the car isn't terrible. Emily and JJ got most of the blow." Hotch told Morgan.

"So that son of a bitch hits them and gets off scotch- free?" He asked angrily.

Hotch shook his head. "Emily was the one who cause the accident."

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I would love to hear what you think! (so you should leave a review:) )**


	5. Guilty Conscience

**Thanks for all the great reviews you gave me, I absolutely love them! With school starting now, my updates might be a little farther apart, but I will try my best to keep updating on a regular basis. I hope you enjoy this chapter :D**

**Thanks again to youdude for being an amazing and suportive beta!**

**Warning: Self Harm**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Emily sat on the cold hard seat of the waiting room chair and tried to think through the pounding in her head. A full container of pain killers were sitting un-used in her pocket, and rattling with every involuntary shake of her leg. Thankfully, the doctor had discharged Emily under the condition that she had someone from the team keeping an eye on her at all times.

They were still running tests on JJ, but it was obvious by now that something was definitely wrong.

"I called Garcia." Morgan walked into the waiting room and looked at Hotch. "She, Reid, and Rossi are on their way."

Emily found herself unable to look up from the white tile that covered the hospital floor. Morgan hadn't talked to her since she came back from the bathroom. Hotch had talked to the officer, and they knew what had happened. Hell, they probably knew more than she did.

She didn't want to be here. Not under the disgusted eye of her colleagues. But still, she just wasn't able to get up and leave. She needed to be here when the doctor came; she needed to know that JJ was going to be okay- she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she wasn't.

Emily toyed with the edge of the gauze wrapped around her arm. She wanted to do something- anything- to make this feeling inside her go away. But she couldn't, not with Morgan and Hotch sitting on the other side of the waiting room. She would have to wait until she was alone.

* * *

><p>What felt like hours later, but was in reality only twenty minutes, Garcia, Reid and Rossi arrived to the waiting room.<p>

"What happened?" Rossi looked over to Hotch for information.

"There was a car accident." Hotch stood up. "We haven't heard about JJ's condition yet."

Garcia's face fell when she heard the information.

"First there was that terrible case, and now this?" she exclaimed. Then she glanced over to the other side of the waiting room and spotted the other agent sitting on one of the chairs.

"Oh!" Garcia gasped. "Morgan, you didn't say Emily was hurt."

Morgan shrugged, and Garcia immediately raced over to her profiler in distress.

"Emily, are you okay?" she asked, looking at the bandaged woman.

"I'm fine." Emily looked down.

"You don't _look_ fine, my darling!"

"Garcia," Emily sluggishly lifted her head, "please, just leave me alone." Her eyes begged the same thing.

"Oh, ah, okay." She stepped back, puzzled, and joined the rest of the team. "What's wrong with her?" she asked Morgan.

Morgan glanced over at Hotch and sighed.

"She's probably just worried about JJ like the rest of us."

* * *

><p>Hotch, Rossi and Morgan were on their fourth cup of coffee when the doctor finally arrived.<p>

"Family and friends of Jennifer Jareau?" he asked, standing in the doorway of the waiting room.

Everyone instantly jumped out of their seats and met the doctor at the door. He was slightly fazed by the large amount of people, but quickly regained control.

"We have been running tests and we have discovered what has been affecting Ms. Jareau," the doctor reported to the group of concerned people.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked her voice small and wavering.

"We have come to the conclusion that Ms. Jareau has an Acute Subdural Hematoma."

Without thinking about what he was doing, Reid began scanning his mind for all facts related to this problem.

"Subdural Hematomas are the deadliest of all brain injuries and can often lead to death" was the first fact that came to mind, and what blurted out of Reid's mouth before he could stop it.

"Not really what we need right now, Reid," Morgan hissed.

"What is an Acute Subdural Hematoma?" Rossi asked the doctor.

"When Ms. Jareau was in the accident, she hit her head very hard, and that caused blood to flow very rapidly into the skull, which in turn compressed the brain tissue. She is undergoing surgery right now. They are drilling a small hole in her skull to hopefully relieve the pressure," the doctor informed them.

"Can we see her?" Garcia asked.

The doctor shook his head. "As I said, she is in surgery, but I will let you know how it went when the surgery is over. I'm sorry, but I really must leave now."

As he left Emily leaned against the wall behind her. "Oh my god," she whispered.

'_Often leads to deaths'_ repeated over and over in her mind.

She had done this. She had caused this.

Suddenly, she knew she had to get away. If she didn't do something now, she felt like she would explode. Without a word, she started walking down the hallway, and before she knew it she was running.

She was trying to run away.

* * *

><p>The next thing Emily knew, she was standing outside of the hospital. It would have been pitch black outside if it weren't for all of the lights from the parking ramp. The fog had lifted slightly, but it was still there. She searched around, looking for a place where she could be alone.<p>

She turned the corner and slid down against the stone wall side of the hospital. Slight relief at finally being alone filled her, but that was overpowered by her other feelings of guilt and pain.

_Deadliest of all brain injuries._

The dull pounding continued in her head, but she refused to take any of her pain medication. It may numb the physical pain, but it did nothing for the rest.

_Often leads to death._

She gripped her bandaged arm and applied pressure the way she had before, but this time she didn't stop when she felt the slight tugging. She didn't stop when she felt the stitches pull out of her skin. And she didn't stop when she saw the bandage surrounding her arm absorb the ruby blood.

She applied more and more pressure to the stinging wound until she felt all of the stitches come out. Wincing at the pain, she quickly blinked back the tears that had made their way to her eyes.

Suddenly, the world began to spin. The pale stars seemed to move across the skies, and the ground tilted dangerously. She fell onto the grass and closed her eyes.

* * *

><p>"Where did Emily go?" Garcia asked anxiously, after she saw her friend run down the hallway.<p>

"I don't know." Morgan returned to his seat.

"Isn't she hurt? I saw bandages on her! What if she's not okay?" Garcia followed him.

Morgan shrugged.

"Derek Morgan, what is wrong with you?" Garcia burst out. "Our friends have just been in a car accident and you don't seem to care!"

The truth was that Morgan just couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe Emily had been so careless and caused this accident. He slowly pulled in a breath, trying to calm himself. He would follow Hotch and not tell the rest of the team, even though he thought they had the right to know that it was their own team mate who caused this.

"I guess I'm just really worried about JJ, and that's where all of my concentration has been going." He forced himself to smile at the technical analyst.

"Oh." She pondered his answer. "Well, I'm really worried about JJ as well, but Emily is hurt too. Just don't forget about her."

"I won't, baby girl." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Should we go find her?" Garcia smiled at his affection.

Morgan thought about what the doctor had said about keeping an eye on her because of her concussion. He didn't want to leave just in case they heard about JJ's condition, but Emily couldn't be out wandering around by herself.

"I'll go find her. You stay and call me if there is any word about JJ."

"I will my chocolate god of thunder. Now you make sure my baby is okay, and I'll see to the other one."

* * *

><p>Emily gripped the wall behind her and tried to stand up, but the ground seemed to fall from under her. She lunged forward and put her hands out to brace her fall. When she put pressure on her sprained wrist, it sent shooting pain through her arm, and she collapsed onto the ground. A wave of nausea rolled over her and she managed to get to her knees before she vomited onto the grass in front of her. She leaned forward, taking short spastic breaths. Tears trickled from the corner of her eyes and this time she did nothing to stop them.<p>

JJ was hurt.

She could _die_.

And it was her fault.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I would love if you left a comment :D Thanks for being great readers! **


	6. Searching

**Happy labor day! Although now tomorrow means going back to school or work... Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter and keep the amazing comments coming! **

**Once again, I want to thank my amazing beta youdude for everything!**

**Warning: Self Harm**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Each time Morgan turned a corner and saw that Emily wasn't there, he became more and more concerned. He knew he shouldn't have let her run off like that, especially not in her condition.

He criticized himself for how he had let his judgment become so clouded- he had been so worried about JJ that he hadn't realized how much he was shutting out Emily. He didn't want to think that for a second there that he had blamed her for the accident, because it was just that, an accident.

It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. Except for maybe that damn case's.

It had left all of them distracted, yes, but Emily the most…that was understandable. Morgan didn't even like to think about what he had seen; he couldn't imagine what it must be like for Emily, to have been there for the whole thing.

_Where is she? _Morgan asked didn't have a car, so she couldn't have gotten too far.

He started to jog as he got more and more worried. He looked into the window of every empty room in the hallway, but she was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

><p>Hotch stood up and got another cup of terrible coffee from the machine at the back of the waiting room. He didn't think it could be possible, but the coffee here was even worse than the stuff at most police stations. After sitting back down, he looked around the waiting room. He was in charge of the team, and he was supposed to make sure they were okay. He knew this job could be difficult, but this was stretching it: he had one agent in surgery, another injured and visibly guilt-ridden, and the rest were just as worried as he was.<p>

Hotch knew how serious head traumas could be, and, as Reid had said, this was the most dangerous. He also didn't want to think about how Strauss would react to this, especially since Emily had just been suspended.

The lines that filled Hotch's face made him look ten years older than he actually was. They had arrived slowly throughout his time with the BAU, and magnified after the death of his wife. New stress lines had already appeared in the last few hours.

But as much as he hated it, as much as he wanted to be in control, there was nothing for Hotch to do but wait.

Wait, and worry.

* * *

><p>Emily felt the cold grass underneath her. Her mind commanded her to sit up, but her body wouldn't comply. Warm blood pooled in her bandage, and her limbs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. Each movement she made amplified the pounding in her head. Emily bit her lip as she heard JJ's voice in her mind.<p>

"_EMILY!"_

She had screamed that. Right before the crash, right when Emily saw the headlights.

JJ had cared. She had asked her about the case. She wasn't like Strauss, or like the others who just blamed her. She had genuinely cared, and now she could die.

More tears squeezed out of Emily's closed eyes and trickled down her face. It felt like there was a heavy weight sitting on her chest, which prevented her from moving- not that she had anywhere to go.

* * *

><p>Morgan was about to go to the hospital security when he thought to look outside. He scanned the entrance and all of the benches nearby, and was about to go back inside when he spotted a dark figure in the shadows on the other side of the hospital.<p>

He ran over immediately and was shocked by the sight.

"Damn," he whispered. Emily was lying in the grass, curled into the fetal position. The moon glistened off the tears that had left their tracks on her cheeks.

It wasn't until he stepped closer that he saw the blood. What had once been pure white gauze was now stained a dark, violent red. Quickly running over to her, he kneeled down in the grass, spotting the location where she had vomited.

"Oh god, Emily," he whispered. Her eyes were still squeezed shut.

Morgan quickly took his jacket off and wrapped it around her arm, carefully applying pressure. He quickly sat down and pulled her into his lap.

"Come on Emily, look at me."

Emily opened her eyes at that and looked up at Morgan's concerned face.

"What happened?" Morgan asked.

"Nothing," Emily mumbled, but her eyes said otherwise. With all that was going on, she was unable to shield them as she usually did.

"This clearly isn't nothing. Can you walk?" he asked. "We need to get this cut looked at."

Emily nodded her head slowly.

Morgan stood up and then helped Emily to stand. As they walked into the Emergency room, Morgan kept one hand holding her cut, and the other firmly around her waist.

* * *

><p>When they got into the Emergency Room, Emily's nurse from before recognized her and ushered her over. When she unwrapped Emily's arm, she was speechless. Every single one of the stitches had been ripped out. Delicately, she took the remaining stitches out of the wound and washed it, before re-stitching and wrapping up the arm.<p>

After that, she gave the woman some cognitive tests to check her brain. When she was done, the nurse walked over to Morgan, who was standing a few feet away.

"You say she vomited?" the nurse asked briskly.

Morgan nodded.

"That is another symptom of the concussion she experienced. I don't think it's anything worse than we thought before. Have you been keeping an eye on her at all times?"

"No," Morgan said. He couldn't believe he had left her alone; anger filled the pit of his stomach. Anger towards himself.

"Well," she said, "You definitely cannot leave her alone. You need to make sure she does not have any more symptoms of head trauma."

"What about her arm?" Morgan asked, glancing over at his friend.

"She didn't lose enough blood to make me too worried, but every single stitch was ripped out of her arm. Agent Morgan," the nurse addressed him seriously, "that is not something that happens on accident. To get every stitch out it has to be deliberate, or else there has to be a great deal of trauma to the stitched wound."

Morgan looked at her, not quite sure what she was implying.

"Agent, I think she did this to herself," the nurse told him quietly.

**I hope you enjoyed and I would love to hear what you think :) **


	7. Suspisions

**Sorry about the long wait! I don't enjoy how school gives me no time to write :P I'll update as fast as I can! But on a better note, thanks for all the support you guys have given me! **

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"_I think she did this to herself."_

That sentence rang through Morgan's head.

"Sir, are you okay?" the nurse asked.

Morgan snapped out of his thoughts and turned to her. "Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine."

The nurse nodded curtly. "She may feel light-headed, so I want you to make sure she eats something right away."

"I will," Morgan answered.

"Under normal circumstances, I would have her stay for a few hours under observation. But I understand that she will still be in the hospital?"

"Yes. Our friend is in surgery," Morgan explained.

"And I can trust that you will bring her back if there are any problems?"

"Of course."

"Okay, then. Just remember to keep an eye on her," the nurse said, as she got up to help another patient that had just come in.

Morgan just nodded numbly.

Gripping his cell phone tightly in his hand, he dialed a familiar number as he glanced over at his friend, who was still sitting in a chair some feet away.

"Did you find her?" Garcia's voice asked from the other end of the phone.

"Yeah baby girl, I found her."

"Is she okay?" Garcia didn't like Morgan's tone of voice.

"I don't know," Morgan told her honestly. "Any news about JJ?"

"Not since you left."

"Will you call me as soon as you hear anything?" Morgan asked.

"Of course. Are you going to bring my beautiful brown-haired profiler back?"

"In a little bit," Morgan said.

"Okay. I'll call you if I hear anything. Now you go make sure she is okay!" Garcia commanded.

"Anything for you." Morgan hung up the phone. Putting it back in his pocket, he slowly walked over to Emily.

"Hey Princess, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Emily answered, looking away in embarassment.

Morgan decided not to argue, knowing it would be a losing effort. "Come on." He gestured to her, and Emily stood up.

Morgan wrapped his arm around Emily's waist. She tried to squirm out of his touch, but he wouldn't let her. He walked her in the opposite direction of the waiting room, and Emily noticed.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To get some food," he informed her seriously.

"No." Emily stopped walking, "We need to go back to the waiting room. What if there is more information about JJ?"

"I just talked to Garcia, and there isn't. She'll call me the second she hears anything."

"But-" Emily started, but Morgan cut her off.

"Its doctor's orders. You aren't going anywhere until you eat."

Emily finally gave up and let Morgan lead her in the direction of the cafeteria; she really didn't have the energy to fight.

* * *

><p>Emily sat at a table in the cafeteria while Morgan went to get the food.<p>

He came back with a burger for himself, and soup and a sandwich for Emily. He set it down in front of her, but she simply stared at it in silence.

After a few minutes of quiet, Morgan looked at her. "Come on Emily, you've got to eat."

Emily stuck her spoon into the soup and took a sip, cringing as it slid down her throat.

Morgan gave her a questioning look, but she took a few more sips without comment.

It was like her stomach didn't want her to eat. Emily could feel it turning, but refused to give in. She took another sip before she set her spoon down.

She could see that Morgan hadn't taken his eyes off her. She looked up and her dull eyes bored into his.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Morgan finally asked.

"Talk about what?"

"What happened when you left. Your arm." He nodded towards her wrapped arm.

"Nothing happened," Emily said stubbornly.

"Don't lie to me."

"Then don't profile me."

"It doesn't take a profiler to see this. You were just in an accident, and JJ got hurt- I know this is affecting you."

"Affecting me how?" Emily spat out, her tone venomous. "Affecting me because I caused the accident? Because I practically drove us into that car? Or maybe because JJ could _die_ 'cause I wasn't fucking paying attention?"

Emily jumped up from her seat and turned around. She could feel her throat tightening and her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't let Morgan see that.

_Dammit Prentiss! This isn't about you, so get your emotions in check and stop crying! _

She quickly wiped the tears away before they could leave her eyes.

She heard Morgan get up from his seat and walk over to her. He set his hand on her shoulder and she flinched away.

"When you want to talk about it Princess, I'm here," his strong voice told her.

She nodded and wiped her hair out of her face.

"Let's go to the waiting room. You can eat more later," Morgan said gently.

Emily nodded again, still not trusting her voice.

They walked next to each other down the hallways. Morgan glanced at Emily every few seconds and could see that something had changed in her eyes. If he hadn't been looking closely, he wouldn't have been able to tell, but he could see they were less protected- But just by a little bit.

When the two of them entered the waiting room, the rest of the team could sense something. They couldn't quite pinpoint it, but even Garcia went against her first instincts and didn't run up to Emily and hug her when she came in.

Emily glanced awkwardly around the room, avoiding eye contact with the team. She knew she'd have to be careful if she didn't want them to find out she had… done what she'd done. She was already pretty sure Morgan had an idea. Without showing any emotion, she walked back to the other side of the waiting room and sat down. She couldn't stay in one position for long. She kept fidgeting and started tapping her foot on the ground.

Morgan watched as Emily quickly walked away from the team. He debated telling Hotch what the nurse had told him, but decided against it. She said it was just a possibility, and honestly, Morgan didn't want to believe it was true.

No longer being able to sit down, Emily stood up and started pacing back and forth across a small area in the waiting room. Her head was pounding and her arm was throbbing. She bit her lip and forced herself to stay focused.

She focused on each tile on the floor, how they alternated between white and grey. She focused on how the fluorescent lights hurt her eyes. She focused on not thinking about the accident. But then she heard familiar footsteps enter the waiting room.

"Family and friends of Jennifer Jareau?" the doctor called.

**I hope you enjoyed, and I would love it if you would leave me a comment telling me what you think! :)**


	8. Finding Out

**Sorry for the super long wait! I have been really busy and had some major writers block going on with chapter 9, and I wanted to get that written before I posted this one. But I hope that you will still enjoy and review and tell me what you think because it means so much to me when you do! **

**Once again I want to thank my amazing beta youdude :D**

**Warning: Self harm**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

As soon as the words left the doctor's mouth, the team instantly surrounded him. This time, he was prepared for the large group of people and was unfazed.

"Ms. Jareau is now out of surgery," he informed the group.

"Is she okay? Can we see her?" Garcia asked immediately.

"Right now she is still sedated from the anesthesia. In some cases of subdural hematomas, the patients lapse into comas after surgery. But when Ms. Jareau got to the hospital she was lucid and responsive, so we believe she has a good chance of waking up," The doctor said.

"What are her chances of recovering?" Hotch asked.

"Because of her age, and the fact that we were able to get her into surgery immediately, we believe that her chances are better than most," the doctor said, seemingly avoiding the question.

Hotch's eyes narrowed. "What are her chances?"

The doctor sighed: this was the part of his job that he hated, giving the bad news. "Statistically the mortality rates of acute subdural hematomas are around 60%, and the chance of having brain damage is higher. But like I said earlier, I believe she has a better chance of pulling through than most."

Garcia gasped, and Morgan angrily ran his hand over his head.

"I will come back as soon as there is any more news," the doctor said as he turned around.

Hotch simply nodded.

Rossi shook his head and rubbed his hand across his face.

Emily felt the breath leave her body. She stood there silently and kept her eyes fixed on where the doctor had stood.

_Please let this be a dream, _she prayed. _Some God-awful dream. _

Morgan looked over at Emily and saw her eyes. For a brief second they were filled with pure dread.

"Emily…" he started and took a step towards her.

Seeing what he was doing, Emily shook her head and took a step back. Inside herself, she could feel something crumbling. The walls she had worked so hard to build up were starting to come down.

_60% mortality rate… higher chances of brain damage…_

Her jaw clenched automatically and she balled her hands into a fist. She had to get away from the team. She couldn't let them see her break down. Not like this.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she said, and started to make her way out of the waiting room.

In that moment, Morgan made his decision. He wasn't going to do what the team had become so accustomed to doing; he was not going to ignore what was going on and let her face this alone- he'd done it too many times before and knew the consequences. With Elle, Gideon, Reid…the entire team had known something was wrong, but just let them be.

He was not going to let her be.

Morgan put his hand on Emily's shoulder and felt her shrink beneath his touch. "Emily, we need to talk," he said in a hushed voice.

She shook her head. "No, Morgan, not now."

Morgan took a step closer. He was not going to let this go. "Yes now. We either do it here or we do it somewhere else, but you are going to tell me what's going on."

"Morgan…" Emily's voice held desperation.

"Come on." He guided Emily firmly out into the hallway, knowing the only reason she let him was because she didn't want him to make a scene in front of the rest of the team.

Emily stood against the hallway wall and looked anywhere except for at Morgan. She didn't want to admit how badly she needed pain. Something to focus on.

"What's going on Princess?" Morgan's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Nothing," she said, but her words were thick with emotion.

"Come on Emily, you know me better than that." Morgan sighed and thought about what he was going to say.

"Morgan, this has nothing to do with you, so just leave it alone." Emily tried to convince him to just let it go.

"No. Two of my best friends are hurting, and you need to let me help."

"Do you need me to point out the fact that one of those friends is hurt because of me?" Emily felt her blood boil.

"Emily, its no-"

"Don't insult my intelligence and tell me it's not my fault," she interrupted him bitterly.

"I'm not. What you need to understand is that it was an accident. Accidents happen to everyone."

Emily laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Just like how getting Caroline killed was an 'accident'?"

"Anyone in your position would have done what you did."

"You wouldn't have. And neither would Hotch. You would have realized that revealing you were FBI would set him off." Emily could feel her eyes tearing. This couldn't happen, not in front of Morgan. She jammed her fingernails into her palms, hoping for a release, but none came. It wasn't enough.

"He was a psycho; nobody knew what would set him off!"

By now Emily wasn't even listening to what Morgan was saying; she was just concentrating on keeping her emotions in check.

Trying to find a way to relieve the pressure building inside of her.

She started to tap her foot on the ground, and picked at her fingernails. Her mother had often criticized her for her bad habit, but she could care less.

Putting her hand up to her head, she massaged her forehead, purposefully putting pressure on the bruises that surrounded her face. Yet the pounding in her head continued. She felt as though she had no control over anything anymore. Finally, she slid her forearm to her side and rubbed the bandage against her hip. She felt the friction building as the fresh white bandage rubbed against her skin, causing it to tug at the stitches.

Suddenly a voice brought her out of her concentration. "Emily, what are you doing?"

She looked up at Morgan and saw his eyes were fixed on her arm. "Nothing." She tried to sound defiant, but failed miserably.

"Emily." Morgan sighed. He knew if he was wrong he could ruin their friendship, but if he wasn't…she needed help. "Did you rip your stitches on purpose?"

Emily immediately tore her gaze away from him and looked at the ground.

Morgan instantly knew that he had not been mistaken. "Why did you do it Princess?" he asked her softly.

Emily stayed silent and angrily wiped away the tear that fell from her eye.

_Prentiss, what the hell are you doing? _she berated herself.

"_The __Prentiss's are strong women. They do not need help, nor do they show anyone their emotions. To do so is a sign of weakness." _Her mother's commanding voice rang in her head. "_You will not give up any information that will make you vulnerable. Letting someone know what is going on inside of you just gives them something to use against you in the future. Prentiss's do not give up."_

But, looking at Morgan, Emily thought that maybe…maybe it _was _time to give up.

**I hope you enjoyed, and as you should already know by now, I greatly appreciate any and all comments! **


	9. Lifeline

**Thanks you guys for being awesome by commenting and favoriting/alerting my story, it really means a lot to me :) Don't forget to nominate in the Profilers Choice Awards Nominations! You can find it on the Chit Chat on Authors Corner forum. **

**Once again I would like to thank by fabulous beta for being, well, fabulous :) Thanks youdude**

**Warning: Self harm**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"Come on Princess, talk to me." Morgan encouraged, and took a step towards her.

Emily found herself unable to say anything. She couldn't will herself to admit what she had done…but nor could she deny it.

"Anything you tell me in confidence will stay that way. It's just between us." Morgan reassured her.

Emily nodded, and bit her lip in an attempt to keep the tears that had filled her eyes from falling down. She dared a glance at Morgan and saw his concerned eyes.

"I-" she stammered and looked at her palms.

Morgan put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest. He felt her heavy breaths and ran his hand through her dark hair.

"Come on, let's sit down," Morgan whispered into her ear.

He gently helped her to the ground and he slid so that he was up against the wall, pulling her into his side.

"What if she's not okay?" Emily whispered.

"Don't think like that Emily. JJ's strong- she can get through this."

"You know what we were talking about before I crashed the car?" Emily's glazed eyes were staring off into space. "That damn case. JJ was the one person who didn't blame me for what happened."

Morgan started to protest, but he stopped himself. They both knew that that was true.

"I was so distracted thinking about how I killed Caroline that now I might have killed JJ, too."

"Emily you didn't try to make this happen." Morgan didn't know what else to say.

"But that doesn't mean it didn't."

Morgan pulled Emily even closer to him, and the two of them sat silent in the hospital hallway. Every once in a while, he would run his fingers through Emily's hair or brush a stray tear off her face.

XXX

"Morgan?" Hotch's voice came from behind him.

He turned his head, but stayed in the same position. Looking up, he saw Hotch standing in the doorway.

Emily immediately jumped up at the sound of Hotch's voice, moved away from Morgan, and wiped her eyes.

"JJ just woke up and the doctor has allowed two of us to see her," Hotch explained as he looked in confusion at Emily, who had obviously been in Morgan's arms.

"I want to see her." Emily's voice came out quiet, but determined nonetheless.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Morgan asked, looking at her in concern.

"I need to."

"Is it okay if I go with her Hotch?" Morgan asked, knowing that the unit chief would want to be the first to see JJ.

Hotch looked between the two of them. "That's fine."

XXX

Emily and Morgan stood outside JJ's room. When the nurse inside exited, she noticed the pair and stopped to talk to them.

"As you know, Ms. Jareau suffered a very serious head injury. She is having a hard time with her short-term memory. She won't remember the accident or the past few days, but she does remember your team members. Also, she is having difficulty speaking. That isn't uncommon in these cases, and it should go away in time. I want you to keep a calm atmosphere in the room. A lot of times patients get anxious after these types of injuries. I will be right at the nurses' station across the hall if you need anything," she informed them. Since they had no questions, she left to the nurses' station.

"Are you sure you're ready Princess? No one would think any less of you if you wanted to wait," Morgan said.

"I'm sure." Emily stared at the door.

Morgan reached for the door knob and turned it. The door squeaked faintly as the hinges moved. He stepped inside first, with Emily right behind him.

When they entered the room, they saw JJ lying in the hospital bed. It looked as though the bed had absorbed her, she was so small.

A bandage was wrapped around her head, and her left leg was elevated and in a cast.

"Jayje…" Emily stepped over to the side of her friend's bed.

"H- h- hi," JJ stammered.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked, concern filling her voice.

"I- I'm f- fi-" A look of annoyance crossed JJ's face.

"It's okay JJ, I get it." Emily's heart was breaking on the inside, but she wouldn't let it show.

Morgan approached the other side of the bed and put his hand gently on JJ's shoulder. "You gave us quite a scare JJ. I hope you're starting to feel better."

JJ nodded stiffly. "I d- don't re-reme- mber it." She struggled to speak.

"That's probably for the best," Morgan assured her.

Emily felt pain building up in the pit of her stomach. "I'm sorry Jayje," she whispered.

"Wh- why?" JJ questioned.

Morgan looked over at Emily and shook his head. He was trying to tell her that she didn't want to do this. She didn't want to tell JJ what had actually happened, that Emily had been driving the car.

"I'm just sorry you got hurt." Emily's voice cracked at the end of her sentence and she blinked away tears.

JJ nodded and suddenly spots of light started to fill her vision.

Emily was looking at her friend, and the next thing she saw she started shaking in her bed.

"Morgan?" Emily shouted, panicked.

Morgan ran to the door and flung it open. "Nurse!" He yelled in the direction of the nurses' station.

Emily stood frozen in her place as she saw nurses run in. They made sure that JJ wasn't going to hurt herself. Emily couldn't take her eyes off of her friend.

When JJ stopped shaking, the nurse injected something into her IV and made a note on her chart.

Another nurse walked over to Emily and Morgan, who had moved next to Emily.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. Witnessing a seizure can be quite scary. Sometimes, when a person experiences head trauma, they can start having seizures. We sedated Ms. Jareau so she wouldn't experience anymore seizures until the medicine can take effect," the nurse explained.

"I did this," Emily said numbly.

"What?" Morgan turned to her.

"Oh my God, I did this." Emily felt the overwhelming urge to hurt herself fill her. "I can't…I- I can't," she stammered. Her eyes darting around the room, she walked quickly out of the hospital room. Once she was out of the room, she started running. Tears blurred her vision and she didn't know where she was going. She just knew what she needed to do.

After a few minutes Emily finally stopped running. She searched around desperately and grabbed a pair of scissors from a nurse's desk near her, making sure that no one was near her.

She pulled up her right sleeve, and before she knew what she was doing, she had dragged the scissors across her pale wrist. She watched as the blood slid out of her wrist, and her final wall broke.

She dropped the scissors on the ground and felt tears flowing from her eyes, no longer able to hold them back.

Suddenly she heard someone yell her name.

"Emily!" Morgan shouted as he ran towards her.

He kicked the scissors away from her and wrapped his big hand around Emily's bleeding wrist.

Emily let out a sob and Morgan pulled her into his arms.

"Morgan, I hurt JJ like that…it's my fault," Emily cried.

"Shhh," he whispered into her ear. "Let's go get you some help."

She froze. "No Morgan, you can't tell anyone…" she pleaded.

"Let's just start by getting this wrapped up. Emily, you need to talk to me; I can't let you hurt yourself again." Morgan was angry with himself for letting it go this far. He shouldn't have let her run away.

Emily gripped Morgan like a lifeline, because that's exactly what he was. He was the one thing that was keeping her from going under.

From completely giving up.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I would love to hear what you though! **


	10. The Truth

**Why hello again, here is the next chapter! I apologize for the wait, and I admit that there will probably be another one since this is national novel writing month and I am attemping to take a part in that! Well, enjoy!**

**I would love to thank youdude for beta'ing this :D**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Morgan watched Emily as she slept. She was curled up across a row of chairs in an empty waiting room. Morgan had had to witness for the second time a nurse cleaning and wrapping the wound that she had inflicted on herself. But this time, the nurse had given Emily a sleeping pill in the hope that it would help her relax. For the first time since Caroline's death, he had seen her body move from its rigid position. He couldn't help but think of it as a forced relaxation- just an illusion. But Morgan was still just happy that she was finally sleeping. He hoped she was having good dreams. Or better yet, none at all.

His phone started to ring, and he quickly answered it before it woke Emily up.

"Morgan," he whispered into the phone.

"Where are you?" Hotch asked. "JJ's nurse told me you both left."

Morgan sighed and glanced over at the sleeping woman next to him. "Sorry Hotch, something came up."

"Does this have to do with Emily?" Hotch's voice softened.

"She's with me, and we're still in the hospital, if that's what you're asking."

"How is she?" Hotch asked. He had not missed any of her earlier actions, even if he didn't know quite as much as Morgan.

"I can't say much, but she's safe now."

Hotch nodded, even though Morgan couldn't see it from the other end of the phone. "If you need anything…"

"I know," Morgan said.

"Okay, Garcia wants to talk to you."

Morgan closed his eyes; this was all just getting to be too much for him. He couldn't stand seeing his friend this way. Weak, hurt, and feeling so bad she thought she had to cause herself pain. All he wanted was for her to be okay. And to make sure of that, he knew he would need help, but he had promised he wouldn't tell anyone. He had said he would keep this confidential.

"Derek?" Garcia asked in a small voice.

"Hey, baby girl." He sounded defeated.

"Derek, what's going on? You and Emily keep running off. I may not be a profiler, but I know something's wrong."

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more. Emily's sleeping right now, we might be able to find you guys later, but right now I really just need to make sure she's okay."

Morgan could almost hear the frown in her voice as she responded. "Fine, but when you get back you owe me an explanation."

Morgan sighed again. "You know I love you, right?"

"I do. And I also know that Emily has a good friend with her who will make sure she is okay," she told him and Morgan hung up.

Morgan leaned against the chair behind him and closed his eyes.

XXX

JJ slowly opened her eyes and looked around. A dull pain throbbed all over her body, and new sharper ones awoke every time she moved even the tiniest bit. She hated how she couldn't remember what had happened to her. All the nurse had said was that she had been in an accident. _It has to be something from the job, _she thought. That was the only explanation that made sense. Maybe an UNSUB had attacked her. It wouldn't be the first time a team member had ended up in the hospital because of something like that.

She turned her head towards the door when she heard it creak open. A nurse walked in and moved near her.

"Hello Ms. Jareau, how are you feeling?" the nurse asked.

"O-okay," he stammered. "Ca-call me JJ."

"Okay JJ." The nurse answered. "Do you remember anything from the last time you were awake?"

JJ scanned her brain. "Th-the last thing I re-remember was Em- Emily and Derek."

"We had to sedate you because you experienced a seizure. With head traumas, this is nothing out of the ordinary. We have given you medication to prevent further seizers," the nurse explained.

JJ nodded. "I c-can't remember t-the accident. W-what h-happened?"

The nurse looked at her briefly. In some cases it wasn't best to tell your patient what had caused them the accident, but she didn't think it would hurt to inform this young lady.

"You were in a car accident, JJ."

Suddenly, JJ remembered.

"_I slipped up," Emily said as she gazed into the dark sky. JJ could tell she was somewhere else, probably back in the cellar with Caroline and the UNSUB. _

_Suddenly she felt the car drift to the left and she saw headlights moving directly in front of them. _

"_Emily!" she yelled, trying to get her attention. Terrified, she looked between the approaching car and Emily. Emily eyes jerked back into focus, but it was already too late._

"_EMILY!" JJ screamed again, and then everything went black. _

JJ shuddered as she remembered that moment.

XXX

Emily groaned as she blinked her eyes open.

"Morning, Princess." Morgan greeted her with a soft smile.

She slowly sat up from the seat she had been lying across and looked around the room. Suddenly, her eyes shot down to her bandaged wrist. She shut her eyes and leaned back.

"I think it's time to talk about this," Morgan said as he sat next to her.

With her eyes still shut, Emily answered quietly, "I guess it is."

"Why did you do it Emily?" Morgan asked desperately.

Emily opened her eyes again and kept her gaze locked solely on her bandaged wrists. "Ever since I was old enough to understand, my mother told me that Prentiss's do not let others know how they feel. They are strong women who are in control and do not need help."

"Everyone needs help sometimes-" Morgan started, but Emily cut him off by holding her finger in front of his mouth.

"And I believed her," she continued softly. "When you are told something over and over again, it's hard not to. After this case and after what happened to JJ, I just felt so out of control. I didn't know what was happening to me. It's like my mind was crumbling and I couldn't think clearly. Doing this was the only thing that helped me." She lifted up her wrists tenderly.

"You scared me." Morgan admitted.

Emily nodded and looked away. She couldn't stand to see how much she had hurt her friend.

"I won't ever let you do that again," he stated.

"I know."

But what Morgan had really wanted her to say is that she wouldn't try.

**I hope you enjoyed and I would love to hear what you think :)**


	11. Assumptions

**Hello everyone! I apologize about the huge gap in my update. I am honestly very sorry and hope that you can forgive me. November I was taken over by Nanowrimo, and then I just got lost in other things. But none the less, here is the next chapter and I would love to hear what you think! **

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Morgan asked as he and Emily stood in the hallway outside of the waiting room.

"Why not?" She shrugged. "I might as well not give Garcia a heart attack."

Morgan smiled slightly at her comment, but continued to keep a watchful eye over her. She stepped into the room with Morgan right behind her, and Garcia was the first to see them. Immediately she noticed Morgan's expression. She got up slowly and walked over to Emily. She couldn't help but notice that her other wrist was wrapped with white gauze.

Garcia looked at her friend and then pulled her tightly into a hug. Tears glistened in Garcia's eyes as she felt Emily gently hug back.

"Emily," Garcia whispered into her ear.

"I'm sorry." Emily responded and then pulled out of the hug and glanced away.

Garcia put her hands on Emily's shoulders and directed her body towards her. "You've got nothing to be sorry for Emily. I just want you to be okay."

Emily nodded. It was now clear to her that she hadn't done a very good job of hiding what had happened.

"Come sit down." Garcia ushered Emily over to where she had been earlier. Once sitting down Emily reluctantly looked around and spotted Hotch's eyes on her. Quickly she ducked her head so she was no longer looking back at him.

Garcia slipped her arm through Emily's and held her closely. She wasn't going to let her girl disappear again.

XXX

Somehow after sitting in the waiting room for less than an hour Emily convinced Morgan to find JJ's doctor and they went to go see her again. Morgan refused to wait outside and the second Emily stepped into JJ's hospital room it was obvious. She knew. Her eyes followed Emily as she walked across the room, she didn't even leave her to see Morgan following closely behind.

"JJ..." Emily started, her hands involuntarily shaking. She didn't know what to say. No words could express how sorry she was, nothing gave it justice.

JJ said nothing. She continued to stare at Emily as anger boiled in her. How could Emily, someone she had always considered a friend, her best friend, do this to her?

"I'm so sorry," Emily said, but JJ just wanted to laugh at those words. She was sorry?

JJ kept her voice low and even, doing everything in her power to prevent a stutter, she wanted to sound strong. "You did this."

Emily nodded her head, but kept it looking down at the ground.

"Look at me E- Emily Prentiss."

Emily slowly brought her head up and looked into JJ's eyes. She could practically feel the rage.

"What the h-hell were you thinking?" JJ spat out without even thinking.

"It's all my fault JJ, I'm so incredibly sorry," Emily whispered.

JJ ignored the words she said. "What were you? Drunk?" She could feel her voice rising.

"I-I..." Emily's words died off. "There's no excuse for what I did."

"You…" JJ thought for a second, "You d-did this b-because of a c-case."

Emily's face turned pasty white at the mention of the case. She gripped her hands tightly together and bit her lip.

Morgan walked up behind Emily and slipped his hand around hers. "Emily I think we should go," He said under his breath.

"What w-was th-that, Morgan?" JJ challenged.

"This is something you can talk about later," Morgan said flatly. Gently he pulled Emily's arm towards the door.

"I'm not done," JJ growled.

"For now, you are."

"Why are you d-defending her?" JJ nearly shouted. "D-do you know what she did? How st-stupid can you be to do s-something like that?"

Morgan had to nearly drag Emily out of the room, it was nearly like- and he hated this analogy- dragging a dead body. She was putting up no fight, but was just standing there.

Once she was out of the room Morgan poked his head back in. "I'm sorry JJ, I truly am. But I suggest before you talk to her again you get your facts straight. And you're right, I am defending her. She's sorry, what more do you want her to say?"

After Morgan closed the door behind him, JJ was fuming. How dare he say that? She could feel her heart pounding high in her throat and her face was burning.

XXX

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked as they left her room, but he already knew the answer. Gently he loosened her clenched hands and kept them in his.

Emily didn't even bother nodding and just continued to stare at the ground. What was the point? JJ hated her, and every one of those things she had said were true. How did she do something like that? How had she been so reckless?

"Emily, please say something," Morgan pleaded.

"She's right."

"No, Em. She doesn't remember it all…"Morgan started.

"You heard what she said, she's right. I did that to her, because of that damn case." Emily's voice grew weaker and weaker with each word.

"Come on, let's go sit down."

Emily shook her head. She couldn't shake the feeling inside of her. It was less of a feeling though and more of an emptiness. Like her heart had been ripped out and had left a gaping hole in her chest. One that was bleeding out and leaving her more and more empty with each growing minute.

But the worst part was knowing there was nothing she could do about it. Knowing that she would have to live like that; with a part of her missing.

"What's going on Emily? You know you can talk to me, you did before." Morgan grew concerned with each moment of silence.

Instead of answering, Emily took her hands out of Morgan's and wrapped her arms around herself. It was an attempt to fill the empty space, or at least to protect it. Slowly she started to walk away. She didn't want to hurt JJ anymore than she already had, so she just walked away.

XXX

Three quiet knocks came on JJ's door.

"W-what?" She asked irritably.

The door opened tentatively and Garcia stepped into the room. "Hi Jayje, how are you feeling."

JJ glared at Garcia. "You kn-knew what happened and you d-didn't tell me."

"It wasn't my place to say anything," Garcia said quietly.

"I th-thought you were my friend."

"I am!" Garcia exclaimed. "I just thought it would be better to let Emily do it… or at least let her work through her things before you found out."

"What are you talking about?" JJ demanded.

Garcia's eyes shot around the room, avoiding contact with JJ's. "Do you remember the case Jayje?"

JJ thought. "Not really," She finally admitted.

Garcia sighed and sat down in the chair near the hospital bed. "Young women were getting kidnapped. Emily went in undercover and things didn't end well."

"W-what do you mean by 'didn't end well'?" JJ asked tentatively.

"Well, according to Strauss, and practically everyone else there, Emily made a mistake that cost one of the women her life." Garcia's eyes watered.

"Mistake?"

Garcia nodded quickly. "Strauss suspended her. We were all getting a lot of heat for it."

Suddenly JJ remembered. She remembered asking for a ride so she could get some alone time with Emily. She remembered trying to get her to talk and the looks she had received from everyone on the team. She remembered how torn up Emily was about the whole thing, and the nasty words Caroline's father had said to her. But most of all she remembered that Emily had been right about to talk to her.

"Oh God…" JJ whispered and Garcia nodded. "And I… Oh God." She repeated slowly.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you JJ, but I thought you should know everything." Garcia gently set her hand on JJ's shoulders.

"I just… I-I just yelled at her. I c-called her a drunk and I said it h-had to do with a c-case." This all dawned on JJ and her heart dropped.

Garcia just looked at her with no other words to say.

"I need to find her," JJ whispered, "now."

**Remember, reviews are much appreciated :)**


	12. Forgiveness

**Hello! Here is my conclusion to Finding Her. I want to thank ALL of you for sticking with me throughout this story, and through the sometimes very slow updates :) And I also want to thank my beta youdude! She has been just great, and without her this story wouldn't be what it is. **

**Also, just an update on some of my other writing, if you have read Different Kinds of Pain, the sequel should be out very very soon! **

**I would love it if you'd leave a review telling me what you think :)**

**I do not own Criminal Minds **

Tobias Hankel.

The name haunted JJ as she lay in her hospital bed.

Tobias Hankel and Reid.

She saw it all over again in her mind. She saw Reid captured, and being tortured. She saw him die and saw him come back to life. And then she saw him after. She saw him broken and hurt, addicted to drugs and too afraid to turn to anyone on the team. And most of all she saw the pain he went through.

And all of that was because of her.

JJ still felt responsible for it, despite that it had been years ago. Reid had healed, but no matter what, she couldn't take away that hurt that he had suffered, and she would have done anything to do so. If she could have taken his position with Tobias she would have in an instant. She was so sorry that any of it had happened.

When she had said "I'm so sorry", he had said "It's okay; it's not your fault".

He had forgiven her for all of the pain he went through. It was all pain that she could have prevented if she hadn't left him.

And now JJ wished that that was what she had said to Emily. She wished she had told her it was okay, and that it wasn't her fault, because it wasn't. Things happen, sometimes they can be prevented and sometimes they can't be, but what mattered was that this was an accident.

JJ remembered what she felt like after what had happened to Reid. The guilt had engulfed her, and she had felt like there was nowhere to turn. She felt isolated. She knew what Emily was going through right now, and she wished she could have prevented it, because no one deserves to feel that way.

JJ wrung her hands as she waited. Garcia had refused to let her out of her bed and had volunteered to find Emily for her. She needed to apologize. She wanted to make it right.

XXX

Garcia was out of breath as she ran down the hallway. Emily and Morgan already had a ten minute lead and she had to find them; she had promised JJ. She hated to see any of her friends in pain and now that JJ understood what had happened, she hoped that they could work it out.

After what felt like eternity Garcia heard Morgan's voice from down the hallway. She sprinted towards it and slid into the waiting room they were in.

"Emily... Morgan... JJ..." She huffed, trying to get her words out.

"Slow down baby girl," Morgan said.

Garcia took a few deep breaths before she continued. "Emily, JJ needs to talk to you."

"Baby girl," Morgan rested his hand on her arm, "I don't think right now is a good time."

"You don't understand!" She brushed his hand off of her and hurried over to Emily. "She understands, and she knows what happened! She wants to _talk_to you Em."

Emily looked around uncertainly.

Morgan shook his head slowly, "Garcia, this can wait until some other time."

"No." Garcia approached Morgan, and spoke quietly. "JJ wants to apologize. She feels terrible, and I think Emily should hear that now."

Morgan sighed and looked over to Emily to see what she thought. Emily shifted closer to them. She would go. Even if JJ wanted to yell at her more, she would take it.

Garcia smiled at her accomplishment as they walked down the hall together.

XXX

A knock came on JJ's door and Emily stepped in tentatively, with Morgan close on her tail.

JJ smiled shyly towards her. "Morgan, c-could you please let us talk alone?"

Morgan was about to protest, but Emily stopped him. Finally he complied, but stayed right outside of the door.

JJ sat up in her bed and slung her legs over the side.

"I'm s-so sorry Em," she whispered, ashamed.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about JJ. Don't apologize."

"No Emily, _I _was wrong. What I s-said to you was wrong, and I know that now." Sensing Emily's doubt JJ added, "I'm not doing this to make you f-feel better. I'm saying this because it's t-true."

"How can you even say that, JJ?" Emily asked taking a step closer to her. "I crashed the car, and I hurt you."

"You d-didn't hurt me; I _got_hurt. There is a difference. Unless you did this on purpose, which I know you didn't, you are not to blame. People m-make mistakes. I've made plenty myself." JJ stressed her last statement.

"I don't know how I'm ever going to show you how sorry I am." Emily struggled to get the words out.

"You don't need to, because I already know. After Reid was abducted I th-thought he would h-hate me forever, but he didn't. I never thought I deserved f-forgiveness, but he gave it to me."

JJ offered Emily a seat next to her on the bed, and she sat down. JJ took Emily's hands in hers and squeezed them tightly. She could see the pain in her eyes, and hated to think that she had placed some of it there.

"I _will _heal Emily. It may t-take a little bit of time, but the doctor said I will g-get back to normal, and I'll be able to go back to work." JJ smiled at her, but the smile wasn't returned. JJ sighed, and then made sure that Emily was looking at her.

"_I_ forgive you, but b-before you can move on, _you_have to forgive yourself. It took me a long time to understand th-that. You need to know that not everything is in your control. What happened to Caroline is n-not your fault. Things happen in the f-field and they are unpreventable. You make the best decision you c-can at the time, but sometimes things just don't go the way you hope. But you need to forgive yourself."

Tears misted Emily's eyes as she listened to JJ's words. She knew they held truth, but she also knew it was something she wouldn't be able to do right away. After seeing all of the pain she had put JJ, and the rest of the team, through, she couldn't tell herself it wasn't her fault.

As if reading her mind JJ started talking again. "It took me a long time to forgive myself for what happened to Reid, and I hope it doesn't take you as long, but I also know it's hard. I want you to know that I'm here for you."

JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's small shoulders and pulled her into a hug. A smile crossed her lips as she felt Emily return it. She knew that she would have to help her move on; she would show her every day that this accident didn't define their friendship. As she healed physically, maybe Emily would be able to heal alongside her.

She could heal from the death of Caroline. If not forget the blame Caroline's father had placed on her, at least push it to the back of her mind. Understand that she had done everything she could.

And she could heal from the guilt of the accident.

But right now, the only thing stopping Emily was herself.

"_People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on." – Bill Cosby _

**The End. **


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